He says, Anyway, enough about me. Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? Soldier: No, SIR!. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. Coast Guard Jokes - LiveAbout A military private saying I learned this in boot camp I'm impressed! USN: Helos Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. 5. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Good judgment comes from experience. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Me: Still the wrong number. Its where we park the helicopters.. Fish Food. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. 3. Eat up! and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Unless you can be Batman. 50. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? These 105+ Airplane Jokes Will Surely Soar At Your Next Party - Scary Mommy SUB sandwiches! Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. [Answered]. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. Dad got quiet. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. SUB sandwiches! The Blonde Fighter Pilot The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. 10. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest Caller: Do you have his right number? Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. ! Again, no reply. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Did it work? We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. An airplane! Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. 11. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 'I could see the bones in my hands.' F-84 pilot tells the story of when Germany's military 'Zeitenwende' is off to a slow start Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? . Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. 2. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. Fish Food. But I had the last laugh. So I quit ordering it.. Killed bin Laden. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. 10. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". 18. 45. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? We were a tough group. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. 36. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? We were a tough group. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. He had the same plane as yours. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. You had tents?" 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes An officer asked if I knew what it meant. But something struck me as odd. He is the Founder and . 28. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. This is really good, he said. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. She also liked her scotch. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Why Do We Celebrate It? There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. A LOOtenant! Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. 4. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Landings are mandatory. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it There are many branches of the military. They bagged six. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone?